If you didn't know this about me, you should know, I work at a hospital.
After all of the hospital "big wigs" leave for the day, and doctors have visited their patients, the night crew shows up. The crazy bunch of people who don't appreciate a good nights sleep, and are far too insane to work a nine to five, roam the hospital like busy little bees.
Part of this lovely bunch of people is the floor crew. They make the hospital laminate shine so that I can lean forward to check my lipstick. Larry is their ringleader. He is probably 70 years old, wears grandpa glasses, walks with a slight limp on one side, and combs his hair like its 1957. He is the chief troublemaker, and the sweetest older gentleman that I've ever met.
I make it a point to say hello and have a small conversation with Larry every single time I see him. Because he always wears a smile.
Because he cracks silly old man jokes.
Because I've made it a thing.
I learned this evening that my small hello's and courtesy laughs mean something to Larry.
We exchanged our usual smiles and our waves and our 'How ya doin?'s this evening as normal.
Larry then stopped, put his weathered and hard working hand on my young and tense shoulder.
He looked me in the eye and said,
"Dani, you always brighten my day!"
I waltzed away from that conversation, and in that moment I knew that the tiny effort I make, makes someone else happy.
That is a powerful moment.
To know that something that seems so small and insignificant to me, is in all reality humongous and incredibly important to someone else is so gratifying.
Sometimes we have to be kind to others for ourselves. We don't always have eloquent and grandiose 'thank you' moments from the people we have impact on. But to know from one person that my kindness has made a small impact is enough to keep being kind.
Be kind today.
Be kind every day.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Friday, March 11, 2011
"ANYTHING YOU WANT TO BE"
When we are in Kindergarten, we are asked to compose a picture of what we want to be when we grow up.
We are given a blank, crisp piece of white paper, and crayons.
And we are told to create this image of who we see ourselves being when we are all 'grown up'.
From a very young age- the message is given- "You can be anything you want to be".
Then we hit early high school, and it's made clear that our future is coming. We take aptitude tests, and are asked what interests and motivates us.
We apply to colleges and are asked to pick our majors.
Even though we aren't given a box of crayons- we are told- "You can be anything you want to be".
I didn't' take the path that most take after high school. I lived a little differently. I needed to make my own way. I needed to experience the love and hate, the beautiful and all the ugly-- all by myself.
I yearned for a knowledge of the person inside my head, and the person in my soul.
And when people asked me who I wanted to be, I didn't have an answer anymore. I honestly didn't have any idea where my life was taking me.
I had no clue where I wanted to go, or how I wanted to get there.
It's funny, when you start to grow up. It doesn't hit you like a ton of bricks. But it happens much by building a brick wall- one hard solid brick at a time.
I slowly transformed into this person who dreamed of becoming more. Doing more with her life. Making changes and being a happy, independent, loving, strong woman.
I'm finally ready to become a grown up. To stand on my own two feet. To apply all of the knowledge I've gained in my life. To become the woman I created on that crisp, white piece of paper so many years ago.
So wish me luck, as I venture on, and proceed to become "everything I want to be".
We are given a blank, crisp piece of white paper, and crayons.
And we are told to create this image of who we see ourselves being when we are all 'grown up'.
From a very young age- the message is given- "You can be anything you want to be".
Then we hit early high school, and it's made clear that our future is coming. We take aptitude tests, and are asked what interests and motivates us.
We apply to colleges and are asked to pick our majors.
Even though we aren't given a box of crayons- we are told- "You can be anything you want to be".
I didn't' take the path that most take after high school. I lived a little differently. I needed to make my own way. I needed to experience the love and hate, the beautiful and all the ugly-- all by myself.
I yearned for a knowledge of the person inside my head, and the person in my soul.
And when people asked me who I wanted to be, I didn't have an answer anymore. I honestly didn't have any idea where my life was taking me.
I had no clue where I wanted to go, or how I wanted to get there.
It's funny, when you start to grow up. It doesn't hit you like a ton of bricks. But it happens much by building a brick wall- one hard solid brick at a time.
I slowly transformed into this person who dreamed of becoming more. Doing more with her life. Making changes and being a happy, independent, loving, strong woman.
I'm finally ready to become a grown up. To stand on my own two feet. To apply all of the knowledge I've gained in my life. To become the woman I created on that crisp, white piece of paper so many years ago.
So wish me luck, as I venture on, and proceed to become "everything I want to be".
Thursday, October 21, 2010
EXHALE
The normal process of breathing is as follows;
inhale. exhale. simple.
I feel as though I'm just not exhaling.
I'm taking it all in. sucking it in so deep. recognizing and organizing each molecule of air that passes through my nose, down my trachea, and into my lungs.
There it stays.
As though I'm anylizing the actual breath.
From start to finish.
Compiling a mental log of everything that breath did for my body.
Of course I did not take this life sustaining breath by accident. I let it in.
Now to just exhale. let it go. be done with that breath.
Out with the old. In with the new.
Recover from the process of exhaling.
Fresh oxygen for my brain to function with.
Sometimes it's just not that easy to let go of something you decidedly let in.
Unlike breathing, we take in 'life', and dont always have the choice of 'exhaling' and being done.
Unable to let life come and go like the sunrise and sunset.
Sometimes an event happens, and we get stuck.
There is no quick way out. There is not a possibility for us to be finished with something we may not have control over.
Sometimes we are so torn by life that we have no choice but to stop and restitch.
Cut away around the tear, and sew in a fresh patch.
That's the thing about patching up a tear. It's never the same as it was before.
You cut around the initial rip, and sew the new fabric on around the wrecked fabric.
It is always a patch. The original fabric isn't there anymore. And it takes a lot of work to look, and feel right again.
It's different.
I'm different.
But, I'm breathing.
inhale. exhale. simple.
I feel as though I'm just not exhaling.
I'm taking it all in. sucking it in so deep. recognizing and organizing each molecule of air that passes through my nose, down my trachea, and into my lungs.
There it stays.
As though I'm anylizing the actual breath.
From start to finish.
Compiling a mental log of everything that breath did for my body.
Of course I did not take this life sustaining breath by accident. I let it in.
Now to just exhale. let it go. be done with that breath.
Out with the old. In with the new.
Recover from the process of exhaling.
Fresh oxygen for my brain to function with.
Sometimes it's just not that easy to let go of something you decidedly let in.
Unlike breathing, we take in 'life', and dont always have the choice of 'exhaling' and being done.
Unable to let life come and go like the sunrise and sunset.
Sometimes an event happens, and we get stuck.
There is no quick way out. There is not a possibility for us to be finished with something we may not have control over.
Sometimes we are so torn by life that we have no choice but to stop and restitch.
Cut away around the tear, and sew in a fresh patch.
That's the thing about patching up a tear. It's never the same as it was before.
You cut around the initial rip, and sew the new fabric on around the wrecked fabric.
It is always a patch. The original fabric isn't there anymore. And it takes a lot of work to look, and feel right again.
It's different.
I'm different.
But, I'm breathing.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Our Tale
I know you're out there, and I cannot wait to find you...
I can see it all so clearly.
It's picture perfect.
A romance more powerful than fairy tales. A love that outsiders envy. A love story that is passed on to grandchildren.
Timeless. Passionate. Simple.
However, not perfect.
The 'ups' are sky high and dreamy.
And we only get through the 'lows' squeezing each others' hand so-so tightly. One set of fingers interlaced, and the other set crossed.
We will make one anther's' dreams come true.
We will have rough days.
We'll fight so hard that we can't stand to look at each other.
...Eventually we'll come out the other side in hysterics about how stubborn we've been.
There will be days so magical- we'd wish they'd never end.
I'll stare at you on a wedding day, and you'll swear you'd never seen anything as pretty as I.
My belly will get round with a baby. I'll get cranky when my feet swell-
and you'll rub them while we conjure up the perfect name.
You'll bring home my favorite flowers, and I'll be making your favorite for dinner.
We'll sing our favorite songs with wooden spoons and spatulas as microphones.
Dance til our feet hurt. Sing til our throats are itchy. Laugh til our sides hurt.
We'll get wild stares from our kids about how ridiculous we are.
And they wont be able to resist joining in our silly games.
We'll go to all of the baseball games.
You'll be so proud- they remembered how you taught them to bat.
We'll listen to the plunking of a piano- trying to get the chords straight.
And I'll swear we have a concert pianist.
We'll stay up and worry when our daughter goes on her first date.
And remember ours. You'll swear you'd never seen anyone as beautiful.
The time will pass- almost too quickly.
In no time, we'll be celebrating 50 years of our love story.
We'll recollect all the highs and lows, and the in betweens.
The magic, and the curses.
We'll be so incandescently in love. More so than when we started out.
It will all have been worth it.
Dirty diapers.
Promotions.
Teaching a child to ride a bike.
Dance lessons.
Football Championships.
Camping trips.
Giving a daughter away to her 'prince charming'.
More dirty diapers... (grandchildren)
Retirement.
Dancing in the kitchen...
We'll still hold our knobby hands together, as we shuffle down the street.
We'll not leave the others' side when one is sick.
We'll always fight over the most nonsensical things, but we'll definitely know the outcome.
And you will still swear you've never seen anyone as breath taking as me.
It will be better than any fairy tale, because it will be our tale.
I can see it all so clearly.
It's picture perfect.
A romance more powerful than fairy tales. A love that outsiders envy. A love story that is passed on to grandchildren.
Timeless. Passionate. Simple.
However, not perfect.
The 'ups' are sky high and dreamy.
And we only get through the 'lows' squeezing each others' hand so-so tightly. One set of fingers interlaced, and the other set crossed.
We will make one anther's' dreams come true.
We will have rough days.
We'll fight so hard that we can't stand to look at each other.
...Eventually we'll come out the other side in hysterics about how stubborn we've been.
There will be days so magical- we'd wish they'd never end.
I'll stare at you on a wedding day, and you'll swear you'd never seen anything as pretty as I.
My belly will get round with a baby. I'll get cranky when my feet swell-
and you'll rub them while we conjure up the perfect name.
You'll bring home my favorite flowers, and I'll be making your favorite for dinner.
We'll sing our favorite songs with wooden spoons and spatulas as microphones.
Dance til our feet hurt. Sing til our throats are itchy. Laugh til our sides hurt.
We'll get wild stares from our kids about how ridiculous we are.
And they wont be able to resist joining in our silly games.
We'll go to all of the baseball games.
You'll be so proud- they remembered how you taught them to bat.
We'll listen to the plunking of a piano- trying to get the chords straight.
And I'll swear we have a concert pianist.
We'll stay up and worry when our daughter goes on her first date.
And remember ours. You'll swear you'd never seen anyone as beautiful.
The time will pass- almost too quickly.
In no time, we'll be celebrating 50 years of our love story.
We'll recollect all the highs and lows, and the in betweens.
The magic, and the curses.
We'll be so incandescently in love. More so than when we started out.
It will all have been worth it.
Dirty diapers.
Promotions.
Teaching a child to ride a bike.
Dance lessons.
Football Championships.
Camping trips.
Giving a daughter away to her 'prince charming'.
More dirty diapers... (grandchildren)
Retirement.
Dancing in the kitchen...
We'll still hold our knobby hands together, as we shuffle down the street.
We'll not leave the others' side when one is sick.
We'll always fight over the most nonsensical things, but we'll definitely know the outcome.
And you will still swear you've never seen anyone as breath taking as me.
It will be better than any fairy tale, because it will be our tale.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Priceless
Own It. Work It.
Whether you are wearing an outfit that cost you 5 dollars, or one that cost upwards of 5 thousand dollars- That apparel does not in any way define you.You define the apparel.
I recently sauntered into Chanel. I adore Chanel. I dream of Chanel. I felt like a complete poser. I felt unworthy of being in the store. I deemed myself out of place. I didn't spend more than 10 minutes fawning over the latest couture before I felt insanely and awkwardly out of place. The excitement I had felt walking onto Rodeo Drive had quickly diminished, and all of a sudden noticed all of the rich women- and wanted nothing more than to duck out of Rodeo drive and back into my local mall...
I recently sauntered into Chanel. I adore Chanel. I dream of Chanel. I felt like a complete poser. I felt unworthy of being in the store. I deemed myself out of place. I didn't spend more than 10 minutes fawning over the latest couture before I felt insanely and awkwardly out of place. The excitement I had felt walking onto Rodeo Drive had quickly diminished, and all of a sudden noticed all of the rich women- and wanted nothing more than to duck out of Rodeo drive and back into my local mall...
Then there was Tiffany's.
We tip toed over to the diamonds, and each picked out our favorite of the impeccable engagement rings. I was intoxicated by the allure of the sparkling gems, and though it was hard to step away, we began to move onward. Toward the gem stones and charms, the bracelets and watches, and we were stopped.
"How are you lovely ladies doing today?" (As normal salesman- customer conversations go- you can imagine the simple banter)
We were asked if we had found the diamonds, and even though we were insistant on "just window shopping", we were asked if we wanted to try anything on.
We took this opportunity and looked at the two diamond rings we had fallen in love with.
Our lovely salesman let us try on and pass around the first diamond ring. It was huge, and perfect, and only $95,000....
When asked what other rings we were interested in- I pointed to my favorite.
A 7.5 carat diamond ring priced at $685,000. It was the most spectacular cut and perfect clarity. And because of the price and value of this ring, our salesman directed us to a showing room.
With great precision and extreme caution, I tried on this pristine ring. After all the 'ooing and ahhing' and adoring how magical my finger looked with such a ring- I received the greatest lesson, and it goes something like this:
Whether you have a simple silver band for a wedding ring, or a humoungus 7 carat diamond mounted on a diamond encrusted setting- be proud of what you have. There is something for everyone, and everyone's "something" is different. Special in it's own way.
Everyone wakes up to the same rising sun, and goes to sleep under the same blanket of stars.
Be proud of who you are. Walk tall with your head up. Do not be ashamed of what covers your body; because your heart is your most valuable accessory.
I walked out of Tiffany's, and onto Rodeo Drive with a new outlook. I was not wearing the latest Chanel, but I was wearing a renewed sense of self, worth more than a million bucks.
We tip toed over to the diamonds, and each picked out our favorite of the impeccable engagement rings. I was intoxicated by the allure of the sparkling gems, and though it was hard to step away, we began to move onward. Toward the gem stones and charms, the bracelets and watches, and we were stopped.
"How are you lovely ladies doing today?" (As normal salesman- customer conversations go- you can imagine the simple banter)
We were asked if we had found the diamonds, and even though we were insistant on "just window shopping", we were asked if we wanted to try anything on.
We took this opportunity and looked at the two diamond rings we had fallen in love with.
Our lovely salesman let us try on and pass around the first diamond ring. It was huge, and perfect, and only $95,000....
When asked what other rings we were interested in- I pointed to my favorite.
A 7.5 carat diamond ring priced at $685,000. It was the most spectacular cut and perfect clarity. And because of the price and value of this ring, our salesman directed us to a showing room.
With great precision and extreme caution, I tried on this pristine ring. After all the 'ooing and ahhing' and adoring how magical my finger looked with such a ring- I received the greatest lesson, and it goes something like this:
Whether you have a simple silver band for a wedding ring, or a humoungus 7 carat diamond mounted on a diamond encrusted setting- be proud of what you have. There is something for everyone, and everyone's "something" is different. Special in it's own way.
Everyone wakes up to the same rising sun, and goes to sleep under the same blanket of stars.
Be proud of who you are. Walk tall with your head up. Do not be ashamed of what covers your body; because your heart is your most valuable accessory.
I walked out of Tiffany's, and onto Rodeo Drive with a new outlook. I was not wearing the latest Chanel, but I was wearing a renewed sense of self, worth more than a million bucks.
Friday, April 9, 2010
RAIN DROPS
I have envisioned in my mind this picture
I am standing in the middle of an abandoned road on a wonderfully faint overcast day. I do not have the proper clothing on for such weather. I have on shorts and a t-shirt. No shoes.
I extend my arms to the clouds that have congregated over my head.
I wait.
Emotion waiting behind the flood gates. Waiting for a release. Permission to let go.
The very first drop of rain splashes on my forehead. Another. Drop. and Another. Splash.
As if each insignificant source of pain in my life is dripping- morsel by morsel from the sky. Slipping off of my body and running along the gutter.
The release of each drop from the clouds absolves all the negative. the turmoil. the affliction.
I let go of all the disappointment. missed opportunities. failed attempts at relationships. shortcomings as a mother, friend, daughter.
I let the rain and my own tears wash over me. I allow myself to be cleansed.
I am standing on this old road til the clouds finally part and rays of light shine through.
I am seeing myself again. The tortured self I once knew has been washed away by the storm.
I let the sun warm my cool damp body. Slowly, just as the sun will shine through those dingy storm clouds, I am returning.
Optimistic. Loving. Adventurous. Ready to take on the world.
Although my imperfections and iniquities cannot literally be washed away by a rainstorm, I can slowly start letting it all go.
Holding onto the nightmare of my past will prevent me from the fairy tale of my future.
I suppose I will let it be like the 'snowball effect'. Start letting a few things go, til it grows, and I'm clear of my past.
I promise I will be the very best I can be in the mean time. For heaven's sake, I'm 'Dani Brady'. While that may mean nothing to you... It means EVERYTHING to me. I will grow. I will change. I will love. I will let the little things slip. I will be completely happy- just by being myself.
Soon enough, I wont even remember what I was so conflicted over. Why I was distressed. Or who upset me.
Looks like that mental rainstorm is working after all.
I am standing in the middle of an abandoned road on a wonderfully faint overcast day. I do not have the proper clothing on for such weather. I have on shorts and a t-shirt. No shoes.
I extend my arms to the clouds that have congregated over my head.
I wait.
Emotion waiting behind the flood gates. Waiting for a release. Permission to let go.
The very first drop of rain splashes on my forehead. Another. Drop. and Another. Splash.
As if each insignificant source of pain in my life is dripping- morsel by morsel from the sky. Slipping off of my body and running along the gutter.
The release of each drop from the clouds absolves all the negative. the turmoil. the affliction.
I let go of all the disappointment. missed opportunities. failed attempts at relationships. shortcomings as a mother, friend, daughter.
I let the rain and my own tears wash over me. I allow myself to be cleansed.
I am standing on this old road til the clouds finally part and rays of light shine through.
I am seeing myself again. The tortured self I once knew has been washed away by the storm.
I let the sun warm my cool damp body. Slowly, just as the sun will shine through those dingy storm clouds, I am returning.
Optimistic. Loving. Adventurous. Ready to take on the world.
Although my imperfections and iniquities cannot literally be washed away by a rainstorm, I can slowly start letting it all go.
Holding onto the nightmare of my past will prevent me from the fairy tale of my future.
I suppose I will let it be like the 'snowball effect'. Start letting a few things go, til it grows, and I'm clear of my past.
I promise I will be the very best I can be in the mean time. For heaven's sake, I'm 'Dani Brady'. While that may mean nothing to you... It means EVERYTHING to me. I will grow. I will change. I will love. I will let the little things slip. I will be completely happy- just by being myself.
Soon enough, I wont even remember what I was so conflicted over. Why I was distressed. Or who upset me.
Looks like that mental rainstorm is working after all.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
FIGHT
I believe there are those that yield, and those that fight.
Those that cower, and those ready for a battle.
In truth- something in life is always going to get you down.
Disappointment.
Grief.
Struggle.
Pain.
All waiting at the next turn.
It seems to be that when life is going your way, and there's no gray cloud in sight- a downpour of terror floods your very soul.
What do you do?
Do you lock yourself inside?
Do you row through the steadily rising turmoil?
Nobody ever said this life was easy. Life is never constant.
We are on an ever changing path.
Sometimes it is clear and straight. There are no diversions or distractions. No forks in the road, no flashing lights to distract us.
Other times it is heavily covered with brush and vines. You may have to cut your own path, or choose left or right when there's a fork in the road.
Whatever your path may look like- it's YOURS. You hold the power to choose your destination.
Whatever you do, do not give up. Even when it seems you've come to a dead end.
STAND UP.
FIGHT.
We all go through these awful, nightmarish and rough times.
We feel hopeless. helpless.
The trick, my friends is to dig deep within yourselves and find the warrior. the scrapper. the brawler.
Hold your head up high, and throw a few punches. Do not let your story end in defeat. Sometimes you have to be your own best friend. You have to be the believer in you, when no one else can or will.
Believe in yourself and all that you have to offer, because I promise you are worth your weight in gold. You are worth fighting for yourself.
So here's your challenge:
FIGHT. Do not cower. FIGHT.
Those that cower, and those ready for a battle.
In truth- something in life is always going to get you down.
Disappointment.
Grief.
Struggle.
Pain.
All waiting at the next turn.
It seems to be that when life is going your way, and there's no gray cloud in sight- a downpour of terror floods your very soul.
What do you do?
Do you lock yourself inside?
Do you row through the steadily rising turmoil?
Nobody ever said this life was easy. Life is never constant.
We are on an ever changing path.
Sometimes it is clear and straight. There are no diversions or distractions. No forks in the road, no flashing lights to distract us.
Other times it is heavily covered with brush and vines. You may have to cut your own path, or choose left or right when there's a fork in the road.
Whatever your path may look like- it's YOURS. You hold the power to choose your destination.
Whatever you do, do not give up. Even when it seems you've come to a dead end.
STAND UP.
FIGHT.
We all go through these awful, nightmarish and rough times.
We feel hopeless. helpless.
The trick, my friends is to dig deep within yourselves and find the warrior. the scrapper. the brawler.
Hold your head up high, and throw a few punches. Do not let your story end in defeat. Sometimes you have to be your own best friend. You have to be the believer in you, when no one else can or will.
Believe in yourself and all that you have to offer, because I promise you are worth your weight in gold. You are worth fighting for yourself.
So here's your challenge:
FIGHT. Do not cower. FIGHT.
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