I have envisioned in my mind this picture
I am standing in the middle of an abandoned road on a wonderfully faint overcast day. I do not have the proper clothing on for such weather. I have on shorts and a t-shirt. No shoes.
I extend my arms to the clouds that have congregated over my head.
I wait.
Emotion waiting behind the flood gates. Waiting for a release. Permission to let go.
The very first drop of rain splashes on my forehead. Another. Drop. and Another. Splash.
As if each insignificant source of pain in my life is dripping- morsel by morsel from the sky. Slipping off of my body and running along the gutter.
The release of each drop from the clouds absolves all the negative. the turmoil. the affliction.
I let go of all the disappointment. missed opportunities. failed attempts at relationships. shortcomings as a mother, friend, daughter.
I let the rain and my own tears wash over me. I allow myself to be cleansed.
I am standing on this old road til the clouds finally part and rays of light shine through.
I am seeing myself again. The tortured self I once knew has been washed away by the storm.
I let the sun warm my cool damp body. Slowly, just as the sun will shine through those dingy storm clouds, I am returning.
Optimistic. Loving. Adventurous. Ready to take on the world.
Although my imperfections and iniquities cannot literally be washed away by a rainstorm, I can slowly start letting it all go.
Holding onto the nightmare of my past will prevent me from the fairy tale of my future.
I suppose I will let it be like the 'snowball effect'. Start letting a few things go, til it grows, and I'm clear of my past.
I promise I will be the very best I can be in the mean time. For heaven's sake, I'm 'Dani Brady'. While that may mean nothing to you... It means EVERYTHING to me. I will grow. I will change. I will love. I will let the little things slip. I will be completely happy- just by being myself.
Soon enough, I wont even remember what I was so conflicted over. Why I was distressed. Or who upset me.
Looks like that mental rainstorm is working after all.
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I'm so glad I found your blog. I LOVED this. I often think of water this way. I desperately want to do a photo shoot of you trying to depict the image you so beautifully painted. I can just see a far off shot with you on the road in the middle of a field, arms out stretch in the rain. It would be stunning. We should try it sometime.
ReplyDeleteThanks
XO